Journey to Enlightenment: Olga Boynich’s Spiritual Awakening
Table of Contents
About the Author:
Olga Boynich is a spiritual seeker, psychologist based in Marina Del Rey, CA. Her journey towards spiritual awakening has been both deeply personal and profoundly transformative. Drawing from her background in psychology and her own experiences, Olga shares her insights and reflections in this memoir, offering a glimpse into her path towards enlightenment.
"When you reassemble all of the parts of yourself, you will remember who you really are."
Journey that led to Spiritual Awakening.
My whole life, I was asking two main questions: Who am I, and what am I doing?
They were not philosophical questions for me; I just wanted to find work, a job, or a career that I enjoy doing. But the problem was, I had no idea what it was. Nothing seemed to resonate; nothing seemed to capture my attention.
For the next 20 years, I’ve been creating and following different life strategies to find myself. Everything I did in life had one focus, one motivation—to answer that one question: what is it I am here to do?
I went to study psychology to answer that question, but at the end of my studies, I still didn’t know.
I decided to try different careers in life, hoping something would captivate me—but nothing.
I tried to make a “career” out of my hobbies—but that feeling of “meaninglessness” was still there.
I tried to create a “business” of my own—but lost interest in it very quickly.
I tried to go with the flow and the “life will show you the way” approach, but it got me nowhere.
Along with all that, I was looking for answers in the spiritual field: lived in a monastery with Sufis, tried different shamanic practices, went on hundreds of retreats, workshops, talked to Gurus, psychics, readers… you name it.
My whole life was a search for Self. But that was a search without any map or direction.
My frustration was boiling, my self-doubt was debilitating, I felt worthless, and my life felt meaningless.
While I was going through all my trials, I noticed one thing—I constantly was “peeling” the layers of who I was not. It felt very meaningful, as if I was getting closer to my Soul—plus there was an actual embodied feeling—”I am becoming a better human being” by doing it. I was holding on to that feeling, the only feeling that felt true. I had a few identity crises while going through psychology school when I literally had to reassemble every part of myself. I had to rewrite, rebuild, re-feel my life, trying to assemble it in the most authentic way.
Yet, as much as this process felt meaningful, it also felt endless and uncertain.
In 2020, I hit rock bottom, I ran out of strategies, the painful realization: “I will never find myself” crushed me. That meant just one thing for me—I have no chance for happiness, and my existence is meaningless. The pain of wasting 20 years trying to find the answer to the question that doesn’t have one was unbearable. I was done with my life.
I remember looking into the night sky and talking to God: “God, what is it I am not understanding? I know I am a ‘good’ human being, I figured out so many fundamental things about myself, I am much closer to my soul than I’ve been. Yet, there is no answer. I can’t believe my inner compass was so wrong. What is this life all about?”
At one point, not being able to handle the emotional pain, I stopped and just cried quietly. That was the moment when the first part of my awakening happened.
Deciphering the Formula of My Awakening
If I had to narrow it down to the formula of my awakening, it would be:
- Strong inner intention: I want to build my path from my heart or “I want to like what I do.”
- The constant inquiry within – “Who am I?”
- The constant “unfolding,” shedding the layers of “who I am not.”
- Direct inquiry to God.
- Giving up! Accepting the truth – “I don’t know.”
- Allowing myself to “stop” and surrender.
Awakening itself
First stage: Consciousness Split
My consciousness split into two places: one was a physical me—the one in pain and tears, the other one was a non-physical me—the observing one, it was in absolute peace and harmony. It felt like I separated from my physical being and “floated” above it, feeling very spacious and light. “Why is she crying?” – I asked myself, referring to the physical me. “I don’t know, she is a human, they need it, probably some emotions coming out. Let her cry.” I stopped asking and just enjoyed my euphoric state of being, feeling like I was an endless space. “But there is no pain.” At that moment, the human me responded to that statement, which felt like an absolute truth. “If there is no pain, then there is no need to cry.” I stopped crying immediately, two points of consciousness snapped into one, and I was back being just a human me.
Second Stage:
Heart Activation
The next day, I woke up with a feeling “I understood everything.” My heart was pulsing, I felt like I started to look at the world from my heart. Deeply in my heart, I knew “what it means to build my life path from the heart. I knew how a “soul” led life felt. But I had no words to express, just knowing. I felt like for the first time in my life, I was looking at everything through my own eyes.
Realizations
Mind is not the center of my being, the heart is. Its language is feelings. There is no confusion there, just clarity.
We are lost because we disconnect from our center (heart). We simply don’t see ourselves.
We see ourselves through the “eyes” of significant people in our life, but we don’t see ourselves from our own eyes.
There are two paths in life: self-love and self-denial.
Our priorities are wrong: our attention goes into searching for easier ways in life – damage control and search for the safest and easiest gains. But we completely ignore what our being wants because we don’t trust ourselves; we don’t think our self is important.
The only thing we need to believe in is ourselves.
Third Stage: The God Power
As I was cooking dinner for my children, I suddenly felt a strong urge of energy that literally made my whole body shake. My hands were buzzing and burning. I felt so immensely powerful – as if I was a god myself. “I can do anything, humanly possible and impossible.” It was a knowing. We, humans, are as powerful as God.
Fourth Stage: Soul Awareness
Later that day, I was brushing my teeth, and I looked in the mirror. I looked into my eyes, and a new realization hit me: “I am not my body”, “the way I look – is not important”. I used to place so much value on the way I looked. I touched my face in disbelief: how could I be so wrong? What is important is my essence, my soul. As soon as I said that, I felt the energy of my soul. I was my soul at that moment. It felt expansive, strong, powerful, radiant. I was buzzing with energy. My soul is energy, it is the highest energy possible, energy of full liberation, happiness, limitlessness. The next realization I had was about how the soul path is built around energy resonance. All that is needed is being as authentic and as true to ourselves as we can; that, in turn, attracts the right people and the right events into our life. That’s how the soul path is built.
Fifth Stage: Body, Soul, Spirit Experience. The Answers.
Once I was in my soul space, I asked: So, what am I doing here from a soul perspective, the immediate knowing was – soul wants to express and experience. At that moment, it felt like the easiest thing to do. Once I got the answer, I felt like my consciousness went to a different place – the place of an absolute. I knew it was a spirit, it was a god space – I experienced myself as a potential, everything and nothing at the same time. I was just an endless space, a cosmos. I asked the same question: “What am I doing here?”. The answer was – “there is no limit, you can be anything”. I “hanged” in that space, feeling “bored”, without experience and feelings, there is nothing. So, I said to myself, “ok, I get it, on those levels – “What Am I here to do as a human?” As soon as I asked that, my consciousness was back in my body and within the next second, I saw my whole life flashed in front of my eyes, like a movie – sequences of my life events, memories, when my soul was “shining” through my body. They all had in common one thing – the feelings! The joy of BEING – the first time I picked up philosophy books, the feeling of “truth” which I had on my shamanic retreats, the moment I opened the website of my future university – tears overflowed me, the moment I first met a person “on a path” etc… Those were the moment of my personal joy and meaning and that was exactly what my soul wanted to DO! Once I saw that I understood my purpose. My soul purpose. Our Doing is our Being EXPERIENCED. Once I ssw it, I was stunned with a realization – I always knew who I was and it was always in front of my nose. It was so easy to figure it out. “But yet, for 20 years I couldn’t see it – why? Before even the question appears in my head, I see another line up of the memories from my life: Mostly my childhood, my parents, all the beliefs, the culture – it all comes down to the self-denial mindset! I couldn’t see myself because my mind stopped believing that it was possible for me to live my truth. Once the mind doesn’t believe in something – that something stops existing, it literally shadows that area of your life. If you don’t believe in something, you won’t even put your attention into it, you won’t study it, you won’t try, you won’t see possibilities – because it is impossible, it doesn’t exist. Everything became so clear to me! My only thought was – “People need to know it. It will help so many people find themselves”!
Realizations
What helped me going through my awakening:
Mind
My mind was freaking out: First, it tried to fight it, telling me that it was not real, just a hallucination. Then, it accepted the fact that it actually happened and wanted to make sense out of it to create a new expanded picture of reality. The main work here is to CALM your mind. These were the instruments that helped me:
- Reading
For three years, I was reading nonstop, trying to find experiences like mine described in literature. (I have all the reading suggestions in my Insta reel)
- Breathing meditation
Original Zen “Buddha breath” meditation. The main idea here is once you slow your breath, it slows mind “racing”, it produces the feeling of peace and calm.
- Channeling
As I was trying to find answers and solutions, I was “guided” to a channeler, through whom I could connect to my Spirit guide and get the “first hand” info about what happened to me and how I can deal with it. Most of the meditation and self-work I did was suggested by my “Spirit guide”. It was probably the most helpful and profound tool that helped me.
Body
The body was going through adjustments as well: vibrational experiences that would wake me up at night, uncontrollable shaking, and intense emotional roller coasters are a few of them. Things that don’t normally happen in real life – I had to make sense and learn to deal with them to maintain some sort of normalcy.
- Grounding (walking, nature) Physical exercise. Grounding meditation daily.
- Meditation – energy balancing. Once a week, I did a full energy update.
Spirit
While I was at the active early stage of awakening, it felt like the physical and spiritual planes collapsed into one another. As I was working with different shamans, I learned how to “manage” being “in between”.
- Communication with super consciousness.
One of the laws of the universe is – “the will of a human being cannot be trespassed”. I learned to express my will and intention in order to manage the intensity of awakening. The common example would be: “I allow necessary processes happen through me in a way that is gentle to my psyche and physical being”.
- Consistent spiritual practice.
It is a life-saver. Choose one practice and stick to it no matter what. I was doing kundalini yoga, it saved my life.
- Michael Singer method – separating yourself from emotions.
Since awakening is an experience that is happening through you, not to you, it is important to develop a skill of being an observer and experiencer, without enmeshing with your emotions. Being able to separate yourself and emotions, and let them run their course without judging them was a big part of my journey.
Practices I use today daily
- Kundalini Yoga
- Meditation – “Buddha breath”
- Meditation – Mind-Body-Spirit integration.
- Reading “Conversations with God”
- Practice of Self Love
- Practice of “Observer” Michael Singer method
Recommendation
Establish daily spiritual practice. Spiritual hygiene.
Find a spiritual guide if you can. (I couldn’t, but it would be so helpful)
Work with your mind (the ego will be disintegrating, your mind either help it or make it worse)
Be patient and kind to yourself
Know, it is a benevolent process that is here to help your own evolution. You can’t stop it, and resisting it will make it longer and more painful.
How did my life change?
- I am not exempt from human suffering. Just like anybody else, I deal with my own subconscious programming and do a lot of self-work.
- I keep having mystical experiences. All of them shed light into the nature of our soul and psyche.
- I often feel stuck in between two worlds – the physical and spiritual. I am not fully here (physical) since the value system changed drastically, but I am not in the spiritual world either. There is a big longing for full “liberation” and transition.
- I know my purpose and my true nature. It gives me tremendous peace of mind, but at the same time a lot of pressure to Self-Realize.
- I’m a mystic, meaning I didn’t just adopt a mystical worldview, I know for a fact that we are multidimensional beings with a universe inside.
- New perspective helps me professionally (I am a psychologist by trade) to see a human on multiple levels and therefore find the best solution.
- I have a built-in feeling of “truth”. Some call it intuition – I have a physical sensation when
- I hear “the truth”, without mistake I can tell who is a real deal who is not.
- I keep on doing “channeling” every 2 months to monitor my inner process on different levels – mind, body, and spirit and adjust my practices accordingly.
- Same life like anybody else – just more awareness, acceptance, and appreciation for everything that happens to me.
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